Core Relationship Principle, Ownership

The majority of BDSM is a dance or a game. Pain is essentially playing with sensation. From a philosophical standpoint. How much pleasure can one experience without the counterweight of pain. From a pragmatic standpoint, where does sensation sit for the individual? Is a specific act like spanking actually more pleasurable overall for a person than overall painful for a person? That's up to the individual and each individual is different. Is the pain a part of role play or a physical fantasy being lived out. On a biological level. During sex a cocktail of hormonal chemicals are released by the body; oxytocin, dopamine and in low amounts endorphins. Pain is a gateway to release large amounts of endorphins and dopamine. Skin on skin touch is a way to exasperate higher degrees of oxytocin release. Thus what I would call "good" sex involves sexual pleasure, pain, skin to skin touch, psychological, mental and emotional stimulation. But its still somewhat of a game... Perhaps more so a artform and bonding experience.. But that I would still call a intimate and artful game. There's something that sits beyond the game, the dance, the art and sexual aspects of BDSM. If a person stops here I would say they "practice BDSM." If a person goes beyond this and beguines to live by certain commonly recognized principles of conduct. I would say they were "In The Lifestyle." One of the core concepts of "The Lifestyle" is the principle of Ownership. The most symbolic acumen of BDSM is the collar. The collar is worn by the submissive and can mean something as light hearted as "I am a submissive" and something more nuanced and wider spanning in formality than a wedding ring indicates in the vanilla world. It all depends first on the dynamic (the relationship between the Dominant/Domme and the submissive) and secondly in absence of a dynamic it depends on the submissive's perspective as a individual. The collar is the physical representation of Ownership. As would be a locking collar, a buckling collar, a cuff worn on the wrist or ankle, a locking bracelet, a anklet, a specific piece of jewelry that serves as a day collar, perhaps a "Ownership" tattoo worn by the submissive. many things can take the place of a primary collar. But even these would be referred to as "wearing xxxx as a primary collar." A collar within a BDSM relationship means you belong to someone. In more formal parlance it means you're Owned. What's Owned actually mean though? It means someone's looking after you. Someone cares about you and has dedicated themselves to you. Someone has made you their prized possession. Someone has committed to you being a part of them. Someone has taken charge of your safety and well being. Someone is there to lead you. This is when the dynamic goes beyond Dominating someone sexually and moves into their entire being. This is the difference between "practicing BDSM" and "Living BDSM as a Lifestyle." As with all things; is there a quid pro quo? Is there a trade off? Yes, as with most things that matter there is a trade off. There is the trade of autonomy for that level of care, concern and involvement that a Dominant/Domme provides. What sort of autonomy are you trading. Well that's to be worked out and negotiated. The lines are to be etched in stone, by the two participants in that dynamic. The only part that is completely written in stone is one person takes the Dominant role and one person takes the submissive role. All the other details are filled in by the two participants. With 100% consent of both parties and honest transparency being essential.

I've included this short soundbite from Teal Swan in the self help space. It's a great take on what a large part of Owning a submissive actually means in the BDSM lifestyle as a Dominant. It inversely highlights some of the benefit the submissive receives in this type of relationship structure.